[Broslofski House]

{Mrs. Broslofski, Mr. Broslofski, Kyle, and Ike are eating dinner]

MRS. BROSLOFSKI:  It's already 5:00!  Where on earth is Sheila???

IKE:  Spumoni!

KYLE: Oh, she's just out with Cartman.

MRS. BROFSLOFSKI:  What, what, WHAT?!?!  She didn't tell me that!  Where are they?  What are they doing?  Are they being chaperoned?

KYLE:  I don't know!

[Sheila walks in]

SHEILA:  Sorry I'm late for dinner, everyone!  I was just....

MRS. BROFSLOFSKI: I know!  You were out with Cartman! You didn't ask permission! And, I think you're too young to be going out with that boy!  What were you doing anyway???

SHEILA:  Geez!  Who put the porcupine up your butt???  I was just at thearcade with him, playing video games!  And, I'm not too young!  I'm gonna be 9 years old in 11 and a half months!  And, how did you know I was out with Cartman?

MRS. BROFSLOFSKI: Kyle told me! If you keep up this irresponsible behavior, I'll ground you for a month!

[Sheila gives Kyle the evil eye]

[After dinner]

[Kyle is in his room]

[Sheila enters]

SHEILA:  Gee, thanks!  You just *had* to tell Aunt Sheila, didn't you???

KYLE:  What's your problem?

SHEILA:  You knew she'd freak out!  You know she doesn't really like Cartman, for some strange reason!  But you just had to open your big mouth and tell the whole <bleep>ing world, didn't ya???  You're just screwing everything up here, and it's really pissing me off!!!

KYLE:  Dude, I'm sorry!  I didn't really do it on *purpose*.  But she does have a point, for once!

SHEILA:  Yeah??? And whaddaya mean by that???

KYLE:  Cartman is a stupid fatass!  I don't know what you see in him!  You should dump him, because he's just a stupid obnoxious fat <bleep>!

SHEILA:  You just shut up here!  I've had my daily serving of crap, and I ain't gonna take any more!  You just don't understand anything, do you?  I *like* Cartman! I don't give a shit what you or anyone else says!  Hey, if you were me, you'd probably know what I'm talking about!  But no one really
ever understands!  Put yourself in my shoes here, dude!

KYLE:  And you put yourself in *my* shoes then!  Then you'll see why me and everyone else hates Cartman, and why I'm right!

SHEILA:  Well, you're always acting like such a jerk, which pisses Cartman off!  If you wouldn't piss him off, causing him to piss you off, then the world wouldn't be filled with so many pissed off people!  It's all your fault!

KYLE:  Shut up, asshole!

SHEILA: Don't you call me an asshole!  I'll shove a pineapple up your ass!

[Sheila and Kyle start beating each other up]

[Mrs. Broslofski enters]

MRS. BROSLOFSKI:  DAMMIT!  WOULD YOU TWO CUT IT OUT???

[Sheila and Kyle stop fighting]

MRS. BROSLOFSKI:  Now, I don't want any more of this kind of behavior!!!  If this ever happens again, you *BOTH* will be grounded for a year!!! AND I MEAN IT!

[Mrs. Broslofski leaves]

SHEILA: Yeah, well, you'll see, Kyle!  If you were me, you'd think the same!

KYLE:  Dude, I seriously doubt it!

SHEILA:  We'll see...

[We hear a crash of thunder from outside.  There is a flash of light, then all the lights go out.  They come back on.  Sheila and Kyle look a bit dazed]

SHEILA:  What the hell was that called?

KYLE: Yeah!  It really pissed me off!

[Sheila and Kyle look at each other.  They scream]

SHEILA:  Well, it looks like you got your wish!!!!  I'm me and you're you!  No, that's not it!  I'm you and you're me!

KYLE:  We must've switched minds or something!  Dude!  This is screwy!  Which means I'm really Sheila, only I look like Kyle, and you look like me, only Kyle is inhabiting your, umm, my head.

SHEILA:  Shut up!  You're confusing me here!

ANNOUNCER:  Since those two little bastards don't make any sense, I will clear everything up.  That flash of light was some strange reaction from some unexplainable force, and it caused Sheila and Kyle to switch bodies.

[So when Kyle, who looks like Sheila, is talking, he'll be referred to as "Kyle As Sheila" or "K.A.S." And when Sheila, who appears to be Kyle, talks, she'll be referred to as "Sheila As Kyle" or "S.A.K." If anyone is terribly confused, just ask me and I'll clear everything up here]

SHEILA AS KYLE:  Hey, this is pretty cool!  Now you'll see why I love Cartman!

KYLE AS SHEILA:  SHUT UP!  YOU ARE *ME* NOW!!!  Don't be saying you love Cartman when you're me!  That just isn't *right*!

S.A.K.:  Well, you'll see!  I'm right and you're wrong!  I LOVE CARTMAN!!!! HAHA!

K.A.S.: SHUT UP!  You're me and now you're gonna act like me!

S.A.K.: Okay, okay!  You act like me, and I'll act like you!  Deal?

K.A.S.: Deal!

S.A.K.: [thinking]  Geez!  This is gonna be pretty difficult here!  I wonder how we're ever gonna switch back?  And, being Kyle really sucks!  I wanna be me again, but I'm gonna have to wait till Kyle sees that I'm right!  Oy! This is gonna be something!

K.A.S.:  [thinking]  I have a bad feeling about all of this...

[Bus stop]

[Cartman, Stan, Kenny, K.A.S., and S.A.K. are waiting around]

CARTMAN:  You know, guys.  I've been thinking...

STAN: Wow!  Lard-for-brains *thinks*???

CARTMAN:  Eh, screw you hippie!

S.A.K.: Shut up, Stan!!!

STAN:  Dude!  What's with ya, Kyle?  You're defending Cartman??

S.A.K.: Ummm....

K.A.S.: Yeah, *KYLE*.  You're acting weird *KYLE*.  So keep your mouth shut *KYLE*!

S.A.K.: Shove it up your ass, Kyle...umm, I mean *SHEILA*!

K.A.S.:  Shut up, *KYLE*!!

STAN:  You two are really scaring me here!

CARTMAN:  HEY!  EVERYONE LISTEN TO MY THOUGHTS HERE!!!  I'M GETTING PISSED OFF!!!!

STAN: Ok, ok.  We're listening.

CARTMAN:  Ok, you know how when fish die, you flush them down the toilet, and they go to Fish Heaven?  If a person would be flushed down the toilet, would the person end up in Fish Heaven or People Heaven?

STAN:  WHAT?!?

CARTMAN:  And I think we should try to find that out.  One of us should be flushed down a toilet, and then come back and tell the rest of us what happened.

S.A.K.: [not really paying much attention as she stares at Cartman with little hearts around her head]  Ok.

STAN:  Kyle, you're gonna be flushed down a toilet???

S.A.K.: Ok.

K.A.S.:  WHAT?!?! NO!

STAN: [to himself] First Mr. Hankey, now this!  What's the deal with Kyle and toilets?

[On school bus]

[K.A.S. and S.A.K. are sitting together]

K.A.S.: What the hell is wrong with you, girl?

S.A.K.: What do you mean?

K.A.S.: YOU AGREED TO BE FLUSHED DOWN A TOILET!!! IN *MY* BODY, YET!!!

S.A.K.: I did?

K.A.S.: Yeah, you did!  *WHY*?

S.A.K.: I don't know!  I didn't realize it!  I was too busy admiring Cartman!

K.A.S.: <mocking> I was too busy admiring Cartman!  You're not Sheila now!  You're Kyle! Don't admire Cartman!  It just isn't *right*!

S.A.K.: Being you really sucks!  I wanna be me again!

[S.A.K. shuts her eyes and starts chanting]

K.A.S.: What the hell are you doing?  Are you crazy or something?

S.A.K.: I'm trying to get us changed back to normal!  I'm chanting in Pig Latin.

K.A.S.:  And that helps how???

S.A.K.:  I dunno.  It just seemed like a good idea.  Oh, and since you're me now, NO SCREWING AROUND HERE!  Act like me!

K.A.S.:  Does that involve kissing Cartman or something?

S.A.K.: YES!!!

K.A.S.: EEEWW!

[K.A.S. shuts eyes and starts chanting in Pig Latin]

[Other part of bus--Stan and Cartman's seat]

CARTMAN:  Did you notice anything different about Sheila?

STAN:  Yeah, I did.  Her and Kyle are both acting weird.  Hey, dude!  You know, I really don't understand one thing here, Cartman.  I thought you didn't like Jewish  people or girls, and Sheila is both!

CARTMAN:  Well, first of all, she doesn't worship cows and shoot anyone who eats hamburgers, like I heard Jewish people do.  And, second of all, she's not like most other girls.  She's the best!  But now I'm worried here.  She's been acting too much like Kyle today, and that's scaring me!

STAN:  Yeah, and Kyle's been a bit weird today, too.  Did you notice that he was staring at you, like he was *admiring* you or something???

CARTMAN:  AAAHH!!!

[Mr. Garrison's Classroom]

MR. GARRISON:  And that concludes today's lesson on the history of Baywatch.  Well, Mr. Hat, what should we do next?

MR. HAT:  We'll have a pop quiz!

[Class groans]

S.A.K.: That sucks ass!

MR. GARRISON: Kyle, shut up! I won't take any of this smart-ass behavior from you.  Your cousin is bad enough.  I don't need two evil Broslofskis infesting the minds of my students.

S.A.K.: You can shove your gay hand puppet up your ass!

MR. GARRISON:  Kyle, you've earned yourself detention for a week for being like your evil cousin!  You go to hell!  You go to hell and you die!  Now for the pop quiz...

[Recess]

K.A.S.:  WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!  Now *I* gotta go to detention, and it's not even my fault!!!!!

S.A.K.:  It's not my fault either!  I'm *me*!  You're *you*!

K.A.S.: But not today!  Oh, what did you get on the pop quiz anyway???

S.A.K.: [nervous]  Umm, F minus???

K.A.S.: WHAT?!?!  NOW I GET A BAD GRADE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT????  I got an A plus on your quiz for you, and you get me an F MINUS?!?!?!!

S.A.K.: Whoa! Pull that squid outta your ass!  It's just a pop quiz!  And it's just detention!  Who really cares???

K.A.S.: And I'm gonna be flushed down a toilet as well!  And it's all your fault!  I wanna be switched back *NOW*!  I can't take it anymore!  You're ruining me!  And I'm stuck as *YOU*!

S.A.K.: Oh, just calm down already.  You're overreacting!  Ok, ok.  I promise ya.  I'll try better to be you.  I'm not gonna screw up anymore.  Ok?

K.A.S.:  Well, ok.  But don't do anything I wouldn't do!

K.A.S.: [thinking]  I just hope nothing *else* goes wrong here...

[Boys' locker room]

[All the boys and S.A.K. are in their gym uniforms--those ones worn for the dodgeball games--except Cartman.  Cartman is running around in his underwear]

CARTMAN:  Come on, guys!  Where did you hide my gym clothes?

[Stan and Kenny are laughing; S.A.K. is staring at Cartman]

STAN:  Kyle?  Are you alive?

S.A.K.: Yeahhh!

KENNY: {Kyle's scaring me.  He's staring at Cartman again!}

CARTMAN:  Come on, Stan!  Where'd you hide my stuff?

STAN:  I don't have your clothes, Cartman!

[Stan and Kenny laugh.  S.A.K. continues to stare at Cartman, with a silly grin]

CARTMAN:  I'M GETTING REALLY PISSED OFF HERE!

STAN:  How can you possibly lose your clothes, fatass?  After all, they're bigger than a tent!

CARTMAN:  AY!  I'M NOT FAT!  I'M...Dude, what's with Kyle?

STAN:  Kyle?  Wake up, dude!  Why are you staring at Cartman like that?

S.A.K.: Dammit!  He's *HOT*!! No shirt!  *WOW*!!!!

CARTMAN:  AAAHH!!!!!!

KENNY: {Oh my God!  Kyle's gay, AND he likes *Cartman*!}

[Cartman screams and hides]

CARTMAN:  Keep that hippie away from me!  AAAHH!  I don't wanna die! Maybe we better flush him down the toilet *NOW*!!!

STAN: [to S.A.K.]  All right!  What's up with you?

S.A.K.: [still in a dreamworld]  I love Cartman!

CARTMAN: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[Stan and Kenny looked shocked]

After Gym class--Back In The Classroom]

[S.A.K.=Sheila, who now looks like Kyle; K.A.S.=Kyle, who now looks like Sheila]

[Everybody is staring at S.A.K., whispering, and pointing]

[Stan approaches K.A.S.]

STAN:  Sheila?  Can I talk to you for a second?

K.A.S.: Huh?  Oh, sure.

STAN:  Kyle's been acting very, *VERY* strange lately.  Do you know what's up with him? I'm sorta getting worried here!

K.A.S.: [angry]  What do you mean when you say she, umm, *HE* is acting strange?

STAN:  He's very *interested* in Cartman, for some reason.

K.A.S.: [nervous]  What exactly does that mean???

STAN:  Well, we'd hidden Cartman's shirt before, and he said that Cartman was hot, referring to Cartman's shirtlessness.  And also the admiring looks he's been giving Cartman.  And I heard him mumbling something about wanting to make sweet love to Cartman.

K.A.S.: WHAT?!?!?!?!  THAT ASSHOLE IS GONNA PAY!!!!!  SHE'S RUINING ME!!!!!

STAN:  She?  What are you talking about Sheila?

K.A.S.:  IT'S GONE WAY TOO FAR HERE!!!!  THIS IS IT!  I'M GONNA GET THAT
BASTARD BACK!!!

[K.A.S. leaves the classroom]

STAN:  Damn.  I'm stuck in the middle of a world gone mad.  This is pretty <bleep>ed up right here!

[After school]

CARTMAN:  Ok, let's hurry up here!  Let's flush Kyle down the toilet! I haven't got all day!

[S.A.K. is still staring admiringly at Cartman]

STAN: Kyle, dude!  Snap out of it!

S.A.K.: Huh?  Oh, right.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

STAN: [quietly]  I'm worried about you, dude!  You're acting all gay and stuff.  Why are you saying Cartman's hot and staring at him all the time?

S.A.K.:  Well, it's hard to explain really.  It's, umm, a thingy that sorta happens and other stuff.  Well, I might as well tell ya.  I'm really...OH MY GOD!!!!!

[K.A.S. shows up, dressed as a hippie]

CARTMAN:  SHEILA?!?!

K.A.S.:  Groovy, man.  Flower power.  Conserve the environment.  Peace. <sings> California dreamin!

CARTMAN:  Sheila?  Are you OK?

K.A.S.:  Yeah, man.  I'm a hippie chick!  Isn't this swift?

[Cartman passes out]

S.A.K.: WHAT THE <BLEEP> DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE, KYLE????  YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!  I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS, YA BASTARD, THEN I'M GONNA KILL YA!!!!

STAN:  Dude!  Kyle!  Why did you just call her Kyle?  And Sheila, what's the matter with you?

S.A.K.:  THANKS FOR KILLING CARTMAN, KYLE!!!!!  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
ANYWAY?

KENNY: {Oh my God!  They killed Cartman!}

S.A.K.:  YOU BASTARD!!!

K.A.S.:  Well, you're making everyone think I'm gay!  So I had to get you back for the shit you been pulling here, so here I am!  As a hippie!  You're me!  So act like it!

S.A.K.:  Oh yeah?!?!  Well, I'm sick of being you!  You totally suck ass! I wanna be MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO CARTMAN!!!!!!  You probably put him into cardiac at rest or something!!!!!

[S.A.K. starts beating up K.A.S.]

STAN:  CUT IT OUT YOU TWO!   NOW TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!!!

S.A.K.:  Ok, Stan.  You see, me and Kyle switched bodies.  Which means my mind is here in Kyle's body.  And his mind is in my body.

STAN:  Dude!  This is *REALLY* <bleep>ed up here!

S.A.K.:  Ok, now that you all know the truth, I'm gonna revive Cartman with a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!

K.A.S.: Not while you're still in my body, you're not!

[K.A.S. takes Stan's lunchbox, and removes a thermos and pours it on Cartman.  Cartman wakes up]

CARTMAN: Eh.

S.A.K:  Ok, two options here, Kyle.  Either we find a way to switch back, or I'm gonna cut open our heads and switch our brains.

K.A.S.:  I think I'll stick to option one here!

[Still outside the school]

[K.A.S. is still in hippie gear]

CARTMAN:  Eeeehhhahahaha!  Woohoo!

S.A.K.:  What's with him?   Is he gonna be OK?

STAN:  Oh, he's not really here yet.  That hippie thing probably totally freaked fatass out.

S.A.K.:  Gee, thanks, *Kyle*!! Thanks for almost killing Cartman!

STAN:  Ok, ok.  Enough with the arguing, you two.  The big thing now is to find a way to get you guys back to normal.  *If* there is a way, that is!

K.A.S.:  There'd better be!  I don't think I could take this anymore!

S.A.K.:  I must not fear.  Fear is the mind killer.  Fear is the little death that  brings total oblivion.

K.A.S.: What the hell are you talking about???  Are you crazy?

S.A.K.:  Oh, just something I heard on TV before.

K.A.S.:  Oh.  But do you have any idea on what we could do?

STAN:  Well, how did you guys get switched anyway?

CARTMAN:  <sings>  Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, medicine go down, medicine go downnnnnahhh!!!!!!

K.A.S.: Well, it just sorta happened.  There was thunder and a flash of light and poof!

STAN:  Sorry dude.  Can't help ya there!  But, I do have a favor to ask you, Sheila.

S.A.K.:  Ok.

STAN:  Well, you know how we're supposed to flush Kyle down the toilet? I sort of made a bet with Cartman, saying Kyle would do it.  If you don't get flushed down the toilet, then I lose the bet and $10. And Cartman doesn't know you're not Kyle yet, so we can just do it now, without you guys being
switched back.

K.A.S.:  No one's flushing my body down a <bleep> ing toilet!

S.A.K.:  Ok, Stan!  I'll be flushed!  I don't like the idea of Cartman losing his $10, but I'm just doing it to get even with Kyle for dressing me up as a hippie and nearly killing Cartman.  Revenge is so very, very sweet!

K.A.S.:  Sheila, you're gonna pay!

CARTMAN:  <sings>  Memories!  All alone in the moonlight! [note from author-had to put that one in there ;)]

[Bathroom]

[S.A.K. is standing in a toilet]

S.A.K.:  Ok, Stan.  Flush me!

[Stan flushes the toilet]

[The toilet starts to glow.  There's a bright flash of light, then everything goes dark]

[Lights come back on]

STAN:  Dude!  What the <bleep> was that?

SHEILA:  Oh my God!  We're switched back!  The toilet switched us back!

KYLE:  Thank God!

[Kyle gets out of the toilet]

KYLE:  Damn.  Doody water all over my shoes.  Eeeww!

STAN:  Thank goodness you guys are normal again!

SHEILA:  HEY! I WANNA GET THE <BLEEP> OUTTA THESE HIPPIE CLOTHES!!!!!

KENNY:  {I'll take them off for you!}

SHEILA:  WHAT?!?!

[Kenny laughs]

KYLE:  Kenny, cut it out, dude!

[Kyle starts to walk, but slips in his wet shoes.  He collides with Kenny, and Kenny goes flying through the air and lands in the toilet.  The toilet flushes.]

KENNY: {NONONONONONO!!!!}

STAN:  Oh, my God!  They killed Kenny!

KYLE:  You bastards!

CARTMAN:  <sings>  And I would walk five hundred miles. And I would walk 500 more!

SHEILA:  Cartman!  Dude!  Can ya hear me?  Snap out of it!

CARTMAN:  <sings>  Yo, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want!

SHEILA:  Uh oh!  I think we lost him!  Aha!  I got an idea!

[Sheila kisses Cartman]

CARTMAN:  WOW!!!!  SHEILA!

SHEILA:  Glad you're back!  Glad I'm back!  Glad everyone's back! Woohoo!

CARTMAN:  Huh?

[Broslofski House]

KYLE:  Well, Sheila, I now understand why you like Cartman!

SHEILA:  Hah!  I told ya if you were in my shoes, you'd understand what a wonderful, nice, kind, cute, and everything good under the sun kind of person Cartman is!

KYLE:  Eeeww!  Don't make me sick here Sheila!  Well, I *do* understand why you like him, and knowing this, I think you two are perfect for each other.

SHEILA:  Ok, Kyle, I don't really get it.  If it isn't for the reasons I listed, then why do you think I like Cartman?

KYLE:  Because you're just one screwed up girl!  Almost as screwed up as Cartman!

SHEILA:  Ahhh!

[Kyle exits]

SHEILA:  Wait a second here!  Was that a compliment?  I *DON'T* think that was a compliment! Get your ass back here, Kyle, so I can kick it!  Dammit.  All that trouble and he doesn't even learn a lesson.  Oh well....